| Students |
Parents, Teachers, and Principals |
- I have priorities in my life, including my friends, that may not be priorities for my parents and teachers. I need to be able to say what is important to me and to know that when I do, I will be heard with respect.
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- I need to listen carefully to what my (children, students) have to say about what matters most to them. I need to show through my responses that I respect differences about priorities in our lives. We also need to talk about why our priorities differ.
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- I need to ask for help when I need it. I also need to expect that my parents, teachers, and counselors will help me learn to think through and solve my problems without preaching to me, embarrassing me, or making me wish I had never confided in them.
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- I need to realize that having my (children, students) come to me with a request for help is one of the highest kinds of respect I can be shown. I must honor this behavior by spending time responding with sensitivity and wisdom as I help her or him find answers to whatever the problem may be.
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- I need to be able to attend a school that is safe and where I can learn without fear of being hurt physically or emotionally. I have an obligation to help create this kind of school through the things I say and do daily that influence the lives of my classmates and teachers.
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- I need to do everything reasonably possible to observe and monitor the behavior of my (children, students) and to provide appropriate prevention and intervention before emotional crises develops. I cannot do this alone. As parents and teachers we must work together in providing a safe school.
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- I need to be treated as a competent person whose opinions, knowledge, and values are respected. I know that I am a young adolescent and that I still have a lot to learn. But I expect my parents and teachers to support me as I try to be a responsible person at home and at school.
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- I need to understand as fully as possible that my (children, students) are experiencing rapid developmental changes in their lives and that the unfolding of their minds and emotions is to be celebrated. When I can give praise, I will. When I believe guidance is needed, I will offer it in a responsible and caring way.
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- I need to live life free of prejudices and stereotypes directed at me or others because of race, language, sexual preferences, or other types of differences which humans experience. I know it is not a perfect world and that the kind of life I am talking about begins with me.
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- I need to work on my own tendencies to judge others on the basis of unfair criteria. I also need to face the fact that my (children, students) will pick up on my example far faster than my words. I will seek to express true respect for others whatever their personal or social circumstances.
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- I need to be able to change my mind or make mistakes without fear of ridicule or punishment. I need to give others the kind of slack I want for myself—including my friends as well as my parents and teachers.
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- I need to be less judgmental and more understanding of my (children, students). When I show respect, the chances are that I will receive it back. This is one of the best ways we can build a mature relationship.
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- I need to have acceptance from my parents and teachers, even when they do not approve of what I do at all times. I know that I must be responsible and accountable for my behavior and that there are consequences when I do something that must be punished. Even then, I need to feel I am still loved and cared for as a person.
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- I need to remember that my (children, students) expect punishment when they do something wrong. But I must never give punishment in anger or send signals, by words or actions, of personal rejection that may lead to a break in our relationship.
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- I have a right to demand that others change their behavior towards me when it violates my space or my personal integrity. I need the wisdom and strength to say “No!” to unreasonable or morally wrong requests without having to feel guilty. I must also be accountable for honoring the rights and values of others at all times.
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- I need to accept responsibility for recognizing that young adolescents have a right to their own space and to honor this right to privacy. I also have a responsibility to discuss matters of personal ethics with my (children, students) and in the process to help build the inner strength which will allow them to behave morally and responsibly.
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- I need help in knowing when and how to share the hurts of my friends—and even their weird behavior—with my parents and teachers. I know that kids who do weird things, including threatening others or talking about how they are going to do some kind of violent thing, really need help. I could be the only one that would keep them from doing something stupid or far worse. But the “code of honor” thing can mean really hard consequences if it is broken. Why do kids have to carry this monkey on their backs? Why don’t parents and teachers talk more about this?
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- I need to face up to the fact that the “code of honor” that keeps kids from telling threatening things they know about someone else is also present among adults. As a (parent, teacher), I need to examine my own life in this regard. I also need to take note of how often I watch things that are wrong rather than try to do something positive, honorable, and right to correct the problems. I will spend more time with my (children, students), helping them to learn that there is a higher code of honor, when it should be invoked, and why it is the only way that one can live with a clear conscience throughout life.
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- I need to know that my parents and teachers recognize that I am growing in my ability to learn many things about the world I live in. I sometimes have deep thoughts and feelings about the meaning of life. I am able to ask a thousand questions that I know neither my parents nor my teachers seem to want to hear: “Why am I here?” “Why is there suffering?” “Why do bad things happen to good people?” “Why are there wars?” “Why is there evil?” I would really like to get some answers or at least talk about these questions. But there are too many times when I start to think out loud that it seems as if the questions are out of bounds. I ask why. I have no good answer.
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- I need to do a much better job of trying to deal with my own thoughts and feelings about big, unanswerable questions—at least unanswerable in some absolute sense. As a (parent, teacher), I must not be afraid to talk about the deeper meaning of life and all of the why questions because I feel threatened myself. What kind of a lesson does that teach my child or students? I need to realize that young adolescents do not expect perfect answers but do expect to be able to think about the larger meaning of so many things they are studying. Their schoolwork would be so sterile if it didn’t raise questions about moral and ethical dilemmas: war, poverty, injustice, and even the awesomeness of life itself. I will do a better job of helping my (children, students) think big thoughts. After all, what is life really about?
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- I need to have hope in the future, my future—that there is something out there worth trying to get. My friends and I often get depressed. Our parents and teachers say, “Oh, it’s just from growing up!” I don’t want to grow up feeling depressed. My friends and I often hide our real feelings behind noisy, weird behaviors, but underneath we wonder about a lot of things.
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- I often wonder myself about what kind of world my (children, students) will inherit. It is more comfortable not to think about it too much. But that is a major cop-out. Too many kids act out their depression by high-risk behavior. As a (parent, teacher), I need to help my (children, students) know that life does hold many promises and to learn what it takes to achieve them.
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